Arms outstreched
Searching, yearning for just a touch
Of something beyond the pain
Something more than myself
I know you're here God
But can you hear me
Do you see me
Sometimes I'm not so sure
Wait... silence
No, a whisper in the storm
I am here
A calm beyond all surrounds my soul
I have caught a glimpse of the One
The One I used to call Father
Here in my weakest point
His hands covered me
Holding me, never letting go
Hold me closer God
I need to feel You, I need You, only You
I'm running with this feeling
Letting go of all I know
Putting my trust in You
Not daring to look back
You're all I'm living for now...
by yours truly... Jensen
So, it's been a couple of days since I last blogged (yes I know I'm very sketchy on the whole staying consistent thing) anyway life is so amazing. God has totally opened my things, it's like seeing for the first time all over again. I have found true happiness. Happiness as defined by dictionary.com is:
1. the quality or state of being happy.
2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.
All of which I have found. It's pretty dang exciting knowing that God can pull me out of my mess and help me to use it to show other people that they aren't alone. Just that thought right there makes me totally happy and excited about living life. Making mistakes is only one part of life, learning for them is another part, but I think the most important part is using those mistakes to help others. Anyone can make a mistake and keep making them. A strong person can make their way out of the mess they have made and learn not to make the same mistake twice. But a smart person learns to rely on God and trust Him to help you out, and let Him be strong for you. Then let Him work in you and heal you so you can in turn be used by Him to help others overcome and heal, and show them how God is truly a loving and caring God, not some tyrant ready to smite you at any given moment. Well that's my random bit of thought for ya...
Peace, Jensen
Ok so for a while now I have had some major walls up between me and God. It started w/ simple things then just got larger and larger to the point that I figured I might as well go out w/ a bang cause I was too far gone. Well that didn't go down so well as one might imagine. God completely broke my heart. So for once in man I would say pretty darn close to a year I picked up my Bible. I don't really know what I was looking for, but I knew God wasn't giving up on me. He was and still is pulling me out of my mess, and helping me become the person He wants me to be, not the one who I wanted to be or thought I wanted to be. While flipping through the pages I found this totally awesome tid-bit. I know it's somewhere in John, don't know exactly where cause I'm taking it outta the message Bible, but here goes. This is when Jesus is telling the people that He is the bread of life.
Jesus said, "I am the bread of life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more, ever. I have told you this explicitly because even though you have seen me in action, you don't really believe me. (now the good stuff) EVERY PERSON THE FATHER GIVES ME EVENTUALLY COMES RUNNING TO ME. AND ONCE THAT PERSON IS WITH ME, I HOLD ON AND DON'T LET GO.
Now how amazing is that no matter how bad u think you have screwed things up Jesus is right there holding you, and He isn't going to let you fall. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get rid of God. I wanted so bad to live my own life, break the molds, defy authority, be my own person, I just messed it all up. I know God has something huge planned for me, but I got scared and ran instead. I wasn't really ready to give up EVERYTHING to Him. Now I'm ready. I'm ready to stop running and start living. I'm ready to take that leap, and I'm gonna have the determination and perseverance to do it and not screw it up. I have tried many times and failed. Like Thomas Edison said he didn't fail he just found 2000 ways not to make the lightbulb. I found many different ways not to live life, I don't regret them ya I made mistakes but I'm not letting those hold me down. God's gonna see me through, and I'm gonna stick w/ Him to the bitter end this time. No more me, just Him working through me. Thank you for reading my rambles. God is amazing. I'll leave you with that.
Jensen
Last night as I was just on the verge of falling into a nice restfull night's sleep, when it dawned on me, yes another brilliant idea. Here goes... I believe that sometimes you have to believe that you are just going to barely make it through in order to actually make it through, and realize how truly wonderful life is. Despite all of life's setbacks, letdowns, broken relationships, knives in the back, and all around crappy situations people always find a way to keep going. We always find a way to survive even if that means barely making it through because in the end we can turn around and say, "Ya, I went through that, and you know what I made it to the other side." And in those moments we find people to help who are not quite unlike ourselves, and we offer them a hand and a shoulder to lean on. It seems that sometimes you have to go through something extremely difficult in order to learn a little humanity, learn a little compassion and humility. When you think about it we can't be nearly as alone as we all think we are, so maybe if we all got up the courage to talk about those times we just barely made it through we would find someone just like us. We learn some great lessons in our times of utter desperation, and sometimes just getting by is all we can do. Then we finally break the surface and get a breath of fresh air, and we remember what living is all about... That's it my brilliant revelation.
Peace, Jensen
It's in these late hours
When the night is at its peak
When dawn is on the brink
Of breakin' through
That all these emotions get stirred
And now comes the pivotal point
When you don't need to bleed
Just to feel alive
You're not going to beg and plead
Not anymore
You're breakin' through this endless darkness
Comin' out to see the light
The sun kisses you're cheeks
For the first time in weeks
Now this you know
Is truly being alive
So, I was reading through some of my old poetry a couple of days ago, and this is one of the poems that totally jumped out at me... Writing is one of my main outlets, for every season in my life there is a thick stack of papers with words passionately scribbled across them. I realized though that I have truly turned a new page over in my life, I'm startin' out on an adventure, not knowing how it's going to turn out, maybe this will be one of the best things to ever happen or maybe I'll end up heartbroken. I don't really care how it all ends up, well I want it to end well, but I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the ride. I am walking out of the darkness that I have grown so accustomed to, and throwing my self head first into life, and I intend to truly enjoy it, no more sleepless nights, no more pain. Granted I can't live on this little high forever, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. You never know what living is until you open yourself up to be hurt, until you truly expose yourself, don't leave anything hidden. Yes, you'll get hurt, but find that someone to cling to, who'll be there to help you up even when you stab each other in the back. Those are the people worth keeping around. I had forgotten how much fun being happy was, there's no stopping me now ;P... well there is my random little ramblings...
Peace, Jensen